How to Survive Exam Season

I’m in a hot exam hall, sitting my history ‘A’ level - and I know absolutely nothing about Charles II or the Restoration of the Monarchy! Whenever I’m feeling anxious or stressed, this is invariably the sweaty nightmare from which I wake, plagued by guilt that I never wrote that homework essay - Miss Dovey, I’m sorry!

Exam stress dreams aren’t at all unusual: From recurring nightmares to an ongoing fear of failure, it’s quite common that people are haunted by their exam stress even decades later. In fact, nearly half of adults* suffer from what’s now been coined, PESD or 'Post-Exam Stress Disorder'.

April is Stress Awareness Month. Coincidentally, it’s also the start of one of the most stressful times for tens of thousands of teenagers across the country as they prepare to sit GCSE’s, ‘A’ levels, or other public examinations which, this year, begin on 9th May. And it’s a testing period for parents too.

While, naturally, we want to help our kids succeed, the pressure on them to perform well in exams can be overwhelming. As I write, I’m sure I can hear the shouts of ‘You should be revising!’ ‘Put your phone away!’ ‘Get off Tik Tok!’ ‘No - you CAN’T go out!’ ‘Go to bed!’ and the sound of slamming doors reverberate around the land. Despite our good intentions, tension in the household can ratchet up until the whole family feels like it’s tip-toing on a virtual tightrope.

So, fellow parent, if you’re wondering how to help your offspring, and yourself, survive exam season, perhaps try some of these:

o   As adults, it’s worth asking a few exam questions of ourselves. How did we feel about exams back when we were young? What do those memories evoke for us? How does our experience drive our thinking now? Are we, perhaps unwittingly, bringing our exam baggage and PESD with us - mirroring our past behaviour patterns and anxieties onto our kids? Making the ‘unconscious, conscious’ and understanding the impact that might have, can be hugely insightful and helpful in maintaining balance for everyone during these nerve-wracking weeks.

o   Create a ‘safe time and space’ to nurture good communication and trust between you. By spending some dedicated time with your child each day, letting them talk about whatever’s on their mind – and listening to them without interruption or judgement – you can invite them to share any successes, or worries, they might have. When they do, be reassuring, positive and encouraging.

o   Set some boundaries such as eating together as a family, agreeing a time for bed (a good night’s sleep is essential!) as well as allowing time for fun with friends and family; encourage them to do something they enjoy, listen to some music, go for a walk or a run – even try some mindfulness.

o   Do some ‘lovely little things’ just to show you care and that you’re there for them; have a cool drink and a snack ready when they get home, make their favourite dinner, watch a film with them, leave a loving note on their desk, run them a bubble bath… small things will help you to feel you’ve done something useful!

o   And finally, the brilliant charity YOUNG MINDS has some great practical tips for young people on how to cope with exams and stress. https://www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/coping-with-life/exam-stress/#Howtodealwithexamstress

However big our kids get, they’re still our babies, right?  Unlike toddlers (or perhaps, very much like toddlers!) we can’t control them, or ‘make’ them do the revision. What we can do is offer is our time, non-judgmental support and a balanced environment for our children to feel confident, loved and be able to do their very own personal best.

For a friendly conversation to find out how I can help, please contact me.

Good luck!

Sara